Dave during first break!

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

How I feel, I can't pinpoint it. I'm depressed about how my birthday is coming up and no one cares this year. Except Dave. After my dad died there's no one to care in my family. I stopped talking to my mom, which I knew I would once my dad died.  She tried to act like she was so hurt he passed away when all she would do was hound him for back child support and she hated that my dad and I were close and I loved him more. But why wouldn't I? She was evil to me my whole life, I never felt love as a kid. I even realize now how fucking weird I was as a kid. I was never able to be that...a kid, I had to grow up fast. I never dreamed of being a princess or just thought of being someone else. Or getting married or any of that. I had to worry if my mom wasn't going to come pounding in my room and hit me for no apparent reason. Or threaten to send me away. All this time my dad being thousands of miles away missing me and loving me and I didn't even know it because my mom told me evil things about him and as a kid I wanted to believe it because she was my mom but I always knew something was off.
I am happy that I got the chance to know my dad and know that he loved me. It could have been much worse, but I only got 5 years. 5 years and we were finally starting to understand each other. As soon as we really understood, he dies.
And I hate my mom for that.
Most of my friends have been asses to me recently. I post things on Facebook and they will come back with something negative to say.
My job sucks because mostly everyone hates me there.
Why?
I'm guessing the guys are mad that I won't sleep with any of them and the women because they think that I want their men. No lie everyone sleeps with everyone there. It's disgusting.
I have no idea how many times I have to tell people that I have a boyfriend and I don't need one at work too.
One co-worker actually told me it's fun to cheat on your boyfriend and that I should just do it.
Um, yeah, might be good for you but not me.
I'm not kidding it's like the crazy train dropped off all of these people at my job.
Because they are so miserable they have to have company.
But I am already miserable. I just lost my dad and I am broken and I don't know how to fix it.
Nothing in my life right now makes any sense. I realized how alone I truly am right now.
I just found out who my real friends are. Which I didn't have many to begin with.
There's no one to check up on my anymore except Dave who I never really see much anymore because he's so wrapped up in his new job.
I spend 99% of my time alone.
I'm trying to get out and do more things. On my days off I go to this gorgeous park and read, just so I'm not home and I was doing stuff with Dave on the other day but now he has to work so I guess I get to spend my days off alone now.
My world just seriously crashed down hard around me.
I'm just trying to put the pieces back but I think I lost a few.

I need to update. Which is true I do. I will try to do so on Monday...I didn't sleep all day today and have to go into work...uggghh. I have Monday off so I'll try really I will!!

I don't know what to say. I can't write it down sorry.

Not really.

So, I was walking to the bus stop to go to Daves. Got on the bus, saw the back of my bag opened! Freaked out thinking my wires for my laptop and iPod were lost! Pulled the cored jumped off the bus, and found out it was in another part of the bag. Saw a man, asked him if he had change for a $5 he did but the meter robbed him, so I gave him my $5 & he gave me the change and I gave him change for his meter. Then lucky me! The bus came again! It's busy time! Lucky me and that man! :D
And the kicker is!!! I could have used that $5! I forgot that the bus would have given me change, change for the bus but still! I could have used a $20 and still have gotten on the bus! So, that man was really lucky I forgot that!
Hahaha! I spent $3 just to get here because I didn't see my wires!
Buses around here are $1.50.

Dakota Skye
Right now I really like Hold my Hand by New Found Glory, but that changes fast.
I haven't really read much, I read The Lovely Bones but I hated the end.